By: Jana Mathews
Hello and Happy Mother’s Day to all of my Berry Financial Group Family!!! Jana Mathews here, and I have the privilege of writing this month’s newsletter and bringing you in on my motherhood journey.
Becoming a mom has been a dream of mine as long as I can remember. It feels like yesterday that I was carrying around my old baby carrier with my baby doll in one hand and packed diaper bag in the other. Fast forward to today - that dream has become my reality by the grace of God.
Motherhood has taught me more than I ever could have imagined. The first two weeks after bringing Jaylee home from the hospital were so incredibly humbling. My body was physically healing, my mind was in overdrive trying to care for this miracle of a stranger, and I was adjusting to a whole new way of life. So many firsts and unknowns caused me to be fearful and anxious. What if I don’t have what it takes to be this precious little girl’s mom? Is she getting enough to eat? Does her poop look normal? Am I going to break this fragile little alien? What does her cry mean? Why can’t I get her to sleep?
I had done the baby courses, I had watched others become mothers, I had babysat, and my goodness gracious, I had prayed to become a mother for over two years through infertility. This was an absolute dream come true. Why am I struggling with these anxious thoughts and fears? Don’t get me wrong, I loved every snuggle, every coo, every little movement, and all the things that come along with a newborn; but, it was hard.
I quickly realized that if I did not give it ALL up to the Lord, these thoughts of inadequacy and anxiety would overtake me. The truth is, I can’t even come close to being enough for Jaylee; only God can. In those first few weeks, my thought that I had any control over her had to shift. I vividly remember she had her first little eye infection at two weeks old, and I sobbed my eyes out. I had never felt more out of control than I did right then; but, I had to realize I don’t want control. For the first time in my life, I had something that I had zero control over and said, “Jesus, take the wheel.” Now do not get me wrong, I still call my mom MANY times to make sure I am doing the right thing for Jaylee and for her well-being because that is being a good steward of this sweet gift the Lord has entrusted to me; but, His love for her far exceeds anything I can fathom or imagine. The same goes for His love for me and for you. So I have found and will keep finding in each new stage that His perfect, unconditional, protective, grace-filled, unwavering love is more than enough. It covers me even when I mess up as Jaylee’s mom. It inspires me to love her with no bounds. It gives me authority to speak life over her and discipline her.
So this Mother’s day (my second), I am praising God for allowing me to be a part of His kingdom work in raising the next generation. I am reminded to surrender my will to His. I am looking forward to the ways my Savior will continue to refine me in motherhood and for how he has done so faithfully up to this point. As we celebrate this Mother ’s Day, I hope you feel the love of God in the most real way! I am beyond grateful for Mom (Jan Berry), Grammy (Janet Bracey), and my mother-in-law (Mitzi Mathews). These women have shown me what an amazing mother/grandmother looks like, and I learn from them daily.
Love you all and Happy Mother ’s Day!